Humor
Humor
Pazite, da se vam kot projektnemu vodji ne zgodji naslednje
Projektni vodja ob zamujanju projekta
Project manager meet boss
The project manager walks into his boss' office and says, "Here is the bottom line budget needed for the success of the project."
The boss says, "What can you do for half the money?"
The project manager says, "Fail."
The boss says, "When can you get started?"
The project manager says, "I think I just did."
Projektni vodja kot iznajdljivi podjetnik
Projekt odprtja trgovine se je zaključil s slavjem vseh udeležencev in pogostitvijo za prve kupce. Vendar pa veselje ni trajalo dolgo. Kmalu po odprtju trgovine se je namreč v sosednji prostor naselilo konkurenčno trgovsko podjetje s podobnimi izdelki in v izložbo obesilo napis UGODNA PONUDBA. Nekoliko pozneje se je v sosednji prostor na desni strani naselil še drugi trgovec in obesil napis NIZKE CENE. Naš projektni vodja trgovine v sredini je razmišljal, kako bi lahko ob tako ostri konkurenci privabil stranke. Kmalu se je domislil in na svojo trgovino obesil velik napis GLAVNI VHOD.
NAUK ZGODBE: še tako dobro izpeljan projekt potrebuje inovativno spodbujanje uporabe njegovih rezultatov.
Ocenjevanje trajanja projekta
Customer: “How long will this project take?”
Project Manager: “What is the project about?”
Customer: “It is a systems upgrade project.”
Project Manager: “Can you tell me more about the project?”
Customer: “I don’t know, we will get into that later, but just tell me how long will it take.”
Nagrajevanje projektnih vodij
7 projektnih faz
1. Wild enthusiasm
2. Disillusionment
3. Confusion
4. Panic
5. Search for the guilty
6. Punishment of the innocent
7. Promotion of non-participants
Črni humor
A sponsor, a program manager, and a project manager walked into a bar. "What is this? A joke?" said the bartender.
Na temo krize
A fitting plaque for the PMO director’s desk in these crazy economic times?
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts
Golf
A clergyman, a doctor and a project manager were playing golf together one day and were waiting for a particularly slow group ahead. The project manager exclaimed, "What's with these people? We've been waiting over half and hour! It's a complete disgrace."
The doctor agreed, "They're hopeless, I've never seen such a rabble on a golf course."
The clergyman spotted the approaching greenkeeper and asked him what was going on, "What's happening with that group ahead of us? They're surely too slow and useless to be playing, aren't they?"
The greenkeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The three golfers fell silent for a moment. The clergyman said, "Oh dear, that's so sad. I shall say some special prayers for them tonight." The doctor added, rather meekly, "That's a good thought. I'll get in touch with an ophthalmic surgeon friend of mine to see if there's anything that can be done for them."
After pondering the situation for a few seconds, the project manager turned to the greenkeeper and asked, "Why can't they play at night?"
The Bottom Line
The project manager walks into his boss' office and says, "Here is the bottom line budget needed for the success of the project."
The boss says, "What can you do for half the money?"
The project manager says, "Fail."
The boss says, "When can you get started?"
The project manager says, "I think I just did."
How Done Are You?
The first 90 percent of a project schedule takes 90 percent of the time.
The last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent of the time.
